Tuesday, August 10, 2010

How do you move on with your life after betrayal?

My husband (53 years old) of 32years left me eight months ago when I found out he was having an affair with a 19 year old daughter of a family friend (a single mother). The single mother did not believe it so let my husband move in with them. The mother now knows the truth but she has forgiven her daughter and my husband and then immediateky began a relationship with my husband.


My husband has refused to talk with me at all during this time except through his solicitor. He has cut off all contact with me, our children (all in there 20s), his own family and friends. All these groups are being very supportive of me.


I just can't get any closure. Why has he changed so much. What have I done to deserve this treatment? He never wanted to go to work so I worked full time even when we raised our children. I brought him sports cars and crusier boats. My family was the centre of my universe and now it is destroyed. How can I move on because the only solution is a final one for me.How do you move on with your life after betrayal?
Hi,


My mother is in the same boat as you, my father left her last year for another woman.. she never saw it comming and there are a lot of answers that she has that he will not answer!


I am the only child in the family and i am 20 years old. I feel hurt and betrayed by my father he has had little or no contact with me since the seperation.


I know my father was not happy in the relationship with my mother but it did not excuse the way in which he broke it off with her.. this made it all the more hurtful and it seems the same in your situation. I would be very worried for your children as i know first hand what they would be going through. There is not a day that goes by that i dont think about what my dad did and how he has hurt me and i cry..


I see a psychologist with my mum which helps her and myself to deal with the situation.. as my mum doesnt want me having a relationship with my father and she often pushes her hate and hurt onto me.. this is a big no no!! Do not speak to your children of the hate that you have for there father as there father is there father.. his blood is running through theres and theres nothing that anyone can do about it..


Often writing a letter and posting it helps.. this way you know that in that letter you have express all your hurt and questions and if the fatherHow do you move on with your life after betrayal?
You deserve nothing but the best so move on it was good while it lasted. You cant have made him do what he has done he is a grown man and has managed to dig himself a hole. He wont talk to anyone because he is embarassed and ashamed probably and knows he is wrong. Leave him to stew in his own stinking pot and dont stir it up as you will get angrier and angrier. Turn it off and let it go cold. What an ***. These type of men have brains the size of a pea and really dont think ahead they think for now idiot he is. You still have your universe he has just gone out the black hole so forget it and make you and the kids happy. This is temporary and you will feel better in time. Grieve but dont let it rule your world you have too many people that love you and need you so throw yourself into them. When this happened to me... I just said to myself over and over why did I love him? look what HE has done to ME and HIS family.'Good luck.
just do your best to stay away from hI'm.only time will heal the pain.im 36 and feel awkward even thinking about dating a girl/woman that age.hes a horny freak with issues.good luck.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I'm in the process of divorce right now. My wife is a pathological liar and has serious mental issues. She just one day decided that she'll do better by herself in life after getting the right psyche meds. I feel like our world with clear blue skies suddenly ended when a giant huge meteor landed on me from nowhere.





It's been a few weeks. We decided to remain friends until the divorce is finalized (6 months - 1 year process) and I'm feeling better. I've found a new apartment which I'll be moving into in a few days and she even offered to decorate it. It's super close to the beach. I love it and can't wait to start my new life. I'm not mad at her anymore for leaving our marriage and I've ACCEPTED that it's better this way. I still believe there's someone out there for me. I'll be the best husband to that soon person. Things do get better in time and time does heal all wounds.
Oh.. I;m so sorry. this is horrible and i hate that i have no words of comfort to you. just try to start a new life hun, there is no point on living your life around this, it will just kill you slowly. you do not deserve this at all, from him, or her. I am so sorry and just a piece of advise from when i went through a similar situation... try to put your mind together, it might take a while before you can pick yourself from the ground, but once you do start making plans for yourself, things you always wanted to do during your life, dreams that got lost in the way of that universe that now is destroyed. start your new universe. and i am sure some day you will get what you actually deserve.. and so will he. I am sorry again.





just hold on.. i swear it will get better. trust me, there was a time when i also felt the only solution was a final one. just hold on, and live your life for you and your children
Hi and Huggs...this is hard I know.





1) you didn't do anything to deserve this. you can't make him cheat. you can't buy his love either.





2) if he wants to walk away let him.





3) enter counseling to pick up the pieces and get OK with the idea that you may not ever get closure from him. You can get closure from within yourself.





You can't MAKE him cheat on you. He did this because HE is lacking something from within himself and the obvious -self control-. I wouldn't doubt it if he is in a mid-life crisis and he is feeling the need to feel YOUNG again and this chic helps the feeling surface again. Note: I said the FEELINGS is what he wants...it could be any younger woman that can give it to him.





97% of the time the cheater comes out of the fog of the affair addiction and many of them that come out of it want to go back home. NOT saying you should want on him.





I think you need to protect yourself financially...seek an attorney if you haven't already. Keep your support system around you. And most of all seek counseling for yourself.





Unfortunately, to many of us women make our families (husbands/kids) the center of our universe and when they kids grow up or Husband leaves or dies...we are lost to ourselves.





Take this time to concentrate on you. Don't try to talk to him...not at all.





Go to iVilliage.com and visit the betrayed spouses support board. There are other wonderful people going this this abyss of pain of deceit/lies/betrayal. It is a safe haven for many for venting, asking questions, wading thru the muck/mire, finding out next steps.





It is very natural to grieve over your marriage too. You will experience the 5 stages of grief. Allow yourself to experience them, the key is to NOT dwell in them.





Many blessings to you. It does get better.





PS...more than likely your H is extremely embarrased about what he has done and afraid to HEAR/SEE judgement from the Kids. So he stays away. Guilty conscience.

No comments:

Post a Comment