How can you face people when your life is a complete and total mess?

I feel that my life is a complete and total mess and can not face people.





My job is not working out (long hours and sweat shop mentality), but I am staying there until I find another job.





My daughter is 14 and lives with her Dad in another state. He is not able to manage her and she does not want to come and live with me. He is also planning to move soon due to relocation of his job.





I feel that I should be punished or made to feel bad because I left my ex-husband and ruined my child's life. I don't have anything positive to focus on except the fact that I am alive. I basically feel that I am a terrible person for what I have done. I have hurt my child so much and should pay for it.





How do I find the courage and strength to carry on? The only thing that I can think of is prayer. I don't know what else to do.





My life is a train wreck compared to everyone else's and its not getting any better.How can you face people when your life is a complete and total mess?
Hi,


It sounds like you are already paying for it with the guilt and punishing yourself. That is what we do best, but not the long term answer. first of all the ones that do suffer when two parents split up are the kids, the tug of war or not seeing the other parent.





You now have to think positive and what your daughter is gaining during the tough teen years, and you have to begin with ';liking you'; You are not a mess nor a train wreck you are human, if life came with a manual of how to get through it we would all have the right answers. so, since that is not the case we have to make the best of it.





I have no doubt you are a good person simply becasue you are torturing yourself so much and accepting so much blame.





You have to find some ';peace'; and by that start by making a list of all your good qualities, yes, go ahead and really list all your good points and the things you have done for others. Take a look at that list and see, ';you are someone special'; you can and will expect things to go your way because you have the power to make the next move toward whatever you want, jobs? lifestyle and your own personal relationship happiness. You can sit and be unhappy and put more blame on yourself or you can chuck it up to ';the past, it is done, it was then and this is now'; Think of the now and take a good look in the mirror and see, really see you are and will be what you want.





We all make mistakes but we don't have to spend months and years paying for what is a done deal. It may be a bit of a struggle but you have to use your inner strength and if you believe in prayer, good, that will also help..if God is a forgiving God why can't you forgive yourself and move ahead?





I am not an overly religious person, i believe that God is to all of us what we need God to be.. and it is different for everyone.





If you knew the obstacles and challanges i have been through and dang it i wouldn't give up, i am a fighter and i believe that things can always be worse.





The time will come when you can talk to your daughter, don't worry about that right now.





I wish you all the best, take care and be safe, and smile, somone here believes in you.


just me....





sorry, spell check is not working :)How can you face people when your life is a complete and total mess?
First of all, why did you leave? Was it for another man? or was it for a GOOD reason?


I went through the same thing in 1985. I left my ex-husband, the kids father. He was emotinally abusive and verbally abusive to me, and sexually abusive and physically abusive to the boys. But I stayed for 19 years. Did I ruin my kids lives? My youngest was 13 when I left, and her other brother was 14 when I left. The oldest son was already in state care, and my oldest daughter has already graduated and moved out.


My youngest got raped, at 13, got pregnant at 14, and my youngest son at the age of 14 was a chronic alcoholic. My oldest son that was in state care, went in the Army at 18, and acted as though I had died. My youngest son still doesn't talk to me now. (he doesn't like my husband of 20 yrs.) MY oldest daughter has limited association with me for what ever reason, and my youngest is always mad at me for something she ';thinks up'; or for something that actually could be ';real.';


Both kids are now recoverying alcoholics of many years; my oldest son has been talking to me for the last three years after 30 years of not; and my oldest daughter talks to me whenever.


Did I mess up? YES! I didn't leave soon enough! Did I ruin their lives? NO they made their own choices for themselves. I couldn't help them when I hadn't helped myself! I am also a recovering alcoholic of 8 yrs. I am also bipolar and am on medication.


But do I feel bad any more? Absolutely NOT! The guilt train that I put myself for so long stopped about 5 yrs. ago. If these kids don't want to get the help, get on with their lives, then I can't do a whole lot for them. I have said many times my ';I'm sorry'; and yes I screwed up, but if they don't want to forgive and move with their lives, then that is their problem.


Your life is only the way it is now, because you are allowing it to be that way. If you are feeling the way you described, then GET HELP! Help is out there! 12-Step programs, the Bible, and a good support Group, and many self-help books that really works if you want them to!


I'm sorry if I sound cynical, but if I don't, you will sit where you are right now and not get help!
only u know the reasons that made u decide to leave your family. no one on this earth is any better than anyone else. we have ALL done things that we feel bad about or regret, but that is not the end of life. If you want to regain your daughters affection, show her that you are a fighter. There were obviously reasons that made you leave the situation that you were in. Prayer is a very good answer, but you musn't feel sorry for yourself forever. God helps those who help themselves. try to remember all of the circumstances that brought you to where you are right now and remember the things that you wanted differently and go after them. God will never give you more than you can handle.
Please, know that there are always people there for you, no matter what. If you seriously feel like a wreck, take a time out. Go to a friend's house and crash for a couple of days. This may sound crazy, but seriously, taking a break from all the stress and just relaxing and talking it out on someone (and I'm sure your friend won't mind it if you vent to him or her for a while).





With those couple of days, also just think it over. I mean everything. Where you want to go in life, how you just feel, how you felt. Remember that there are ways out of certain circumstances. I know you are a strong person, or else you would have completely given up by now.





I wish you all the luck in the world.
Summerdaze hit it on the head. Forget therapy, bibles, and that other bullshit. Go out and live, and live for the moment.
I won't give you advice, because I don't really know you that well, but what I will say is that I think everyone's life is a train wreck to some extinct, but what keeps me going is the love I have for my daughter, and how she needs me. I try to have some personal relationship with the higher power. I'm not a religious fanatic, but I believe there is someone or something that makes things possible and helps when everything seems impossible. I also believe that if you have a roof over your head, some food in your refrigerator, and just a little money in your pocket you are doing better than most. We all make mistakes try and forgive yourself, make amends if you can and move on. I know it'a easier said than done, but life is too short to live in the past. Eventually you will be able to move on. Give yourself time and don't forget prayer. It helps. God Bless.
I am not sure if you are a Christian but you could always pray!





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try to think positive...don't dwell on what you have done in the past...work on improving your future. It's never too late to realize you were wrong and to decide to take a proactive stance. Don't try to tackle all of your issues at once and stop yourself when you do.....this will take practice but make it a priority to train yourself to think positively. Prayer is an excellent release, and if that gives you strength, keep it up. And, chances are your child's ';life'; isn't ';ruined';....at 14 there are still a lot of positive ways you can influence your child. I don't know any more details about your relationship, but I strongly suggest you try to mend things with her. (this won't be easy, but keep trying!!!) I hope you have a great holiday! Good luck and God Bless!
I'll pray for you right now.....................................鈥?br>

You keep doing the same, answer others questions on here to take your mind off of you, and keep praying......Peace
I like it when life gets like that! I feel alive! I love living on the edge,its the only way to go.What's the worst that could happen? you die! So what it doesn't matter. look into life very deep and you will see what i mean. hang on snoopy!
It may be of no comfort, but I think many people are suffering from similar issues in their lives.





You are projecting on others because they are successfully masking innner toil.





Don't let your mistakes overwhelm you. Make a list of the things you would like to accomplish and work the list in small steps.





best,





cez
It is very hard to forgive ones self for things that were out of our control or things that ';just happen.'; No matter how much you cry, it won't change anything, but your eyes the next morning. Maybe, take a course in something that you like. You will have the results you want, with every action there is a reaction. And you need something good in your life. But, it's up to you to figure it out and if you need help figuring out there is always counseling and most fees are on a sliding scale. The guilt can eat you up! I have had trouble with my 16 year old daughter, I was gone 20 months to prison, and I felt guilty every single minute that I wasn't with her. It has taken a year to come to peace with it myself. Things happen, and people get hurt. It's life and sometime it suks, but you go on. You can't bring back one single second and remember all that you do will be a memory soon.
You just need a little therapy.





Had some, worked like a charm.
Go to church to share your problem with your pastor or other mature Christians. God can forgive all your sins, and love you as if you you never sinned if you come back to Him with sincere repentance. Read Bible and let God talk to you.
Awww...I'm sure you are not alone experience this...





Perhap you shld talk about how you feel with your friends...





If you dont have friends...try get counselor or therapy...it would help you at least...





Yeahh...stay close with God and ask for his blessin' everyday...you would be surprise of somethin' that could happen to you once in a while if you keep ask for His blessing...you know???





Once you are pretty much return to your normal life (the one you feel fine and ready to move on)...you can go ahead hang out with your child and tell her or him how he or she is the most important to you in the world (that child is mean to you...u know???)...and be there for her or him...spend fun time...u know???





Also, you should find a hobby to do so that you can forget what's happen in ur life and enjoy what you spend on time...u know???





Plus make new friends (or hang out with ur friends u already have)...





Hope this helps...
Just keep focusing on getting your life together. If you need more training to get a better job, do it. Continue to call your child and send her things when you can. Your child may not see things like you do. Just pick up where you are and let her know you care and are there for her even if by phone.


Keep praying and just try to make wiser decisions from now on.


Things change, people change and life changes. Don't be surprised if you and your daughter are back together later.


Take care and wish you the best.
We all make mistakes...some we feel we deserve to pay for for the rest of our lives. Some of us don't ';need'; punishment from others because we punish ourselves enough in our own guilt. At this point, with your daughter, all you can do is turn your life into something positive that she can look up to. If you start doing good and send her letters and call her often...stay as involved with her as you can, even if she hangs up or sends your letters back. She may feel very hurt from you and want to hurt you back...but don't give up. Show her that your sorry for the past and that you refuse to hurt her anymore. Let her know that you are there for her if and when she is ready to talk to you or have a visit with you. Please don't give up hope or ever stop trying to show her that you love her. Stay positive and do things to build your own self esteem. Join a support group, maybe at your local church. Good luck.
You will find the courage to carry on by wanting to make things right with your daughter.


You need to forgive yourself and ask them to forgive you also.


It may be a good idea to find a councillor and get some help in working through all these issues.





I wish you luck, and take care
#1 open up %26amp; make friends people u can trust %26amp; have a conversation with not anyone that brings more trouble into your life


#2 seek education even if its 1 class a week it is a guaranteed way to grow as a person


#3 talk things out w/ your daughter teach her the rules of life be honest with her


#4 dont live in the past time waits for noone the only way to go is foward