I have not been in a relationship with my sons father for about 5 years now. However, I still have very strong feelings for him. When our relationship ended, I was very hurt because I was not ready to let go. He has been in a relationship and it was very painful for me to deal with. He is not in a relationship currently because he has moved to another state. But, he is still involved with his ex. I do not like this woman as she has just kept alot of drama going between he and I. I am bitter at the fact that he has her back over mine although I have known and dealt with him for over 10 years. I feel jealous of what they have and I don't know why. It just seems like when he gets involved with other women I end up not liking the other woman and when he and I argue I bring them up. But, when he is no longer dealing with the women I don't feel anything towards them. I feel alot of anger still towards him for everything that we went through and I am just ready to fully forgive him for myself so, that I can release this from my heart. I just don't know where to start. I just want to be able to be ok with him doing what he wants with who he wants and my son being around this woman. How do I end the bitterness and anger that I feel and forgive him for hurting me. And allowing myself to move and let go of the past?How do you let go of anger, bitterness and forgive someone for past hurts in order to move on with your life?
Your ready now.How do you let go of anger, bitterness and forgive someone for past hurts in order to move on with your life?
Write your feelings on a piece of paper then throw it away. Don't think about what happened in the past it's over, you can't change it. Move on to better things. Work on a better relationship for yourself. You deserve it.
Pardon, but it sounds more like you want him to dump her and come running back into your arms and you come together in a passionate embrace with the sun setting in the west...
Letting go is letting go. You haven't. But you must.
hit a wall
It's not a matter of forgiving him, but choosing to live your life! If he is not into you then why would you want to let yourself suffer in a relationship that isn't going to be as fullfilling and rewarding as a relationship should be? I find that finding a place by yourself %26amp; then screaming at the top of your lungs works well. Yell at the wall if you have to. Get out all of your frustrations and anger you have towards this person %26amp; then make the decision to let this person remain in your life...but...only to benefit your child! As a single mother you have to show how strong you can be to your child. Being weak and giving into these jealousies of your ex will only weaken your child %26amp; their self esteem also. After you have made the decision to let go of these it is time to make time for yourself...get pampered(mani, pedi, massage) %26amp; then find some good girlfriends %26amp; go out for a night on the town. Try to make it a regular thing...remind yourself that there are ';other fish in the sea';. Most of whom have been waiting their whole life to meet someone like you :)
I wouldn't say stop wanting what you ';can't'; have, but stop wanting what ';you know is not right for you'; because, that which is right, does not hurt us so much and continuously. Yes, you need to accept he is a jerk, but yes! you also need to forgive to go on with your life. This will assure you in your heart that you are a better person for forgiving and allowing others have the life they want no matter how much it hurts you. We cannot force others to do as we please, there is no more joy one can get than ';to see others treat us good because it comes from their heart.'; Think that you are a valuable person and that that is the kind of treatment you deserve from others. Realize that by letting him live his life and showing that you're perfectly ok with it, you emphasize your worth as a person. That will not only make YOU feel better, but also it will give others a better and more attractive impression of you, including the person who might be the one to make you happy and be always by your side...because YOU deserve that! Your feelings against this person right now, even if you dont realize, are reflected in your everyday actions and people around you sense this, even though they might not understand the reason. Whatever you decide to do...DO IT FOR YOU...and of course YOUR CHILD!!
because of your son you have to keep seeing him and every visit brings back memories of what you went through.. although you won't be able to completely eliminate it you should try to keep this kind of contact with your ex husband to bare minimum, because you're still heavily emotionally invested in your former relationship. distance yourself even further from his female friends; you have to consciously and continually remind yourself they are not you, and his new relationships with those women have nothing to do with you. I realize this will be difficult since your son will be around her, but you have to accept you can't completely control who your son comes into contact with while with his father, you just have to trust your ex's judgment. remember you're not forgiving or forgetting what happened for his sake, but for your's and your son's. I wish you the best of luck, take care dear.
Get over it..u must accept the fact he does not love you, has a life of his own and can do as he pleases. He doesnt need approval from you. Get on with your life, find a hobby, and put your attention into your kid, not fairytales. The emotions are OK, but its how u react that causes the problems. U dont have to forgive, accept the fact the guy may be a jerk and thats it. Stop wanting what u cant have..find something better to want..you are living in a dream world, a fantasy land. Face reality for your childs sake.
In my experience attachment to the past - even if it wasn't that good of a past - is due to unhappiness with the present. That'd be one reason for you to be jealous of your ex-husband. His new relationship is an icon to you, a suggestion that he has succeeded where you have not. This, of course, is not nearly always true. But, being preoccupied with the events of somebody else's life suggests a void in yours.
So don't waste your energy on forgiving him. You can't be responsible for anybody's actions except your own. You must transmute your bitterness and use it as fuel toward a new esteem in life - your son, a new significant other, a new profession/hobby, etc.
You could start by concentrating only on all the bad things that happened in you're marriage, and stop dwelling on the good things, because we all concentrate on the good things we miss when a relationship ends, reverse that thinking.
If you genuinely want to feel better about all this and move on, begin now and start really concentrating on all the bad things, and you will soon feel better, I guarantee it, but it takes time.
Remember this, it is just so easy to dwell on all the nice things, and cry and feel hurt, because you still love this man.
So from now on start thinking of all the bad things, and bit by bit you will begin to feel better.
Hope this helps.
No comments:
Post a Comment