Friday, August 20, 2010

How do you break up with someone that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with?

I love my boyfriend, from his looks, to his jokes and the sex, we can talk for hours, we like watching the same stuff on TV and overall we are alot alike! The problem is that he is so careless that he lives for the moment he is immature %26amp; he doesnt know how to save he wants all the nice thnigs in life buthe doesnt want to take the responsibility of having to pay bills orhavingto go to work everyday! %26amp; now that he finally does he seems depressed, we fight about how to spend our money all the fuccin time...I wanne pay off our debt he wants to buy redbull cause he is tiered, n e way I know I can make it without him like get an appartment %26amp; pay all the outstanding bills but with him who knows how long it will take, its seems like we are not on the same page and him beeing inconsiderant to my worries about tommorrow or next month is hurting my feelings. I want to move on %26amp; be more then WE are right now %26amp; I know how to do it but he is out for his own profit, how do I move on I love him soHow do you break up with someone that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with?
simply tell him that you love and want to be with him forever but you can't do it by yourself and if he does'nt start helping you out tell him he gots ta goHow do you break up with someone that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with?
Next him sweetie seem he is only bringing you down and you know it. PLEASE REMEMBER YOU HAVE TO LOOK OUT FOR NUMBER ONE AND THAT IS YOU!!! Money is a very big problem in all relationships and if you are already having thoses issues you very well better do something about it now before it is too late. If not things will only get worst. TALK to him and if he does not listen leave him and do not i mean really do not look back. for your own good....
A man is suppose to complament you... He is not suppose to take away from you... You should sperate for a while... You guys are not in healthy realtionship and it is not going to get any better until you make some decisons about where you want your life to go... A man will only do what you allow him to do... It's great that you guys have so much in common, but does he make you feel liek a woman? Does he sweep you off your feet still?
stay with him you will know how much you miss him if you break up
if u love him that much, seek counseling to help, why leave someone if u love him like u have mentioned a few times in question.......things can be worked out, dont give up yet...........ya'll r not married.
There is no easy way to go about leaving someone you love. Do you really want him gone or are you just upset? It sounds to me like your not to sure. If you 2 love each other then you should be able to get past this whole finical thing. OK I don't really no much about couples living together cuz me and my BF don't...but I do know that before you break up with him you have to ask your self if this petty argument is worth loosing the one you love...





Good luck and if all else fails then just pray about it....God will give you the answer...





I'll be cheering for ya.. :-)
it seems like you know its best...so if you cant work those problems out you will be fine. it will just take time
You have to be honest and explain this to him.


Try writing him a note and say you will talk about in person in....say 2 days. This way he has time to think about everything and perhaps be more logical when you confront each other.





I think the two of you will be okay, he just might not understand your feelings at the moment.
just do it, the more you think about it the more you will find excuses not too.
I think you know the answer to this. He is dragging you down and not helping you to meet your goals and dreams. That's not loving you. You need to just DO it. There's no easier way. The only thing that will help is the time away and the self respect you'll gain by making strides towards your goals.

How long did it take you to heal?

How long did it take you to heal over somone you loved so much but you had to leave because he/she was unfaithful, or for whatever reason you had that you had to stand by? Even though they did you wrong and you know you can't go back you can't just end the pain , the missing that person, or the just stop loving them! So if you been through it how long did it take you to get over the pain of having to move on with your life without that person?How long did it take you to heal?
I'm sorry to hear that your heart was broken. I can imagine how you feel, because I was once in your shoes. I was in a relationship with this guy who then was my world. I did all the things a woman should do for her man yet that wasn't enough for him to stop cheating. I think it was much harder for me to deal with it, because I wanted to kill myself. I felt rejected and unwanted by his actions. With everything else that was going on in my life, I felt no reasons to live. The pain was too unbearable. I blamed myself for not being a enough for him. And as a result, my self-esteem fell below.





Of course doing that time, I kept taking him back and he kept doing the same things. It went as far as me accepting he had an other woman (this was out of my character). I held on because I'd hoped and wished that he would change. But that didn't happen, so I knew that I needed to take action.





I broke free of him in the year of 2000. Let me tell you, it was hard. I couldn't take no more lies and cheating. I cried, cried and cried myself to healing. I had to accept that although his words said that he wanted me, his action said, NO! I began to tell myself that you deserve better and love doesn't treat anyone like this.





Sister trust me, you not missing nothing. For anything, he's the fool and don't even know it. It took me a year to get over it, but almost two year to get completely over it. And even this day, he's still trying to get back with me. It's been five years and I still tell him ';NO';. I realized that I loved him more than I loved myself. Throughout this ordeal, I found me for the first time. I suggest that you take this time to find you.





You are valuable, precious, and worth more than gold. So lift your head up high, shake off the dust, and start building toward your future. This is a set back for a come back. You'll make it, because I did.





I'm not promising it'll be easy, I'm saying you can overcome it.





Pain don't last long. The healing process is up to you!How long did it take you to heal?
I hope my experience will help you during this difficult time. Remember, he's going to beg for you to come back; set a standard for yourself by not allowing youself to be hurt all over again. You're find Mr. Right. In fact, he'll notice you before you notice him. Please just focus on you right now.

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its going on the fifth year now, and i am just really beginning to feel okay and accepting things as they are, before that i was full of hatred and bitterness, but i prayed, talked about it to a supportive understanding person and now i can finally see that there is an end to the pain and heartache.i miss what i thought he was, but i now know he was never that man i thought he was.its more painful to move on and have to give up life as u knew it than loosing a cheater.
Listen to that song by leona lewis. that line that says ';its gonna hurt when it heals to.'; It is a beautiful break up but moving on song. I left this guy because he was such a jerk. Luckily we lived in different states. I moved back to las vegas after up and leaving him one day from sandiego. We lived together. Anyway I didnt think it would hurt so bad but it did. He didnt love me. I loved me. Thats all you have to remember is to love yourself. Its different for everyone. That was two years ago. I still think about him. Thankful Im not with him, but still imagine him. You have to find a way to deal. You will though and you will be with someone just as wonderful as your prior once was.
It took me 6 years before I felt 100% o.k.,but after the very first year I started to feel a bit better %26amp; it increased gradually,until year 6.But,we all process differently,so it can take you a shorter period of time,I imagine.Bol to you
when they cheat... %26amp; u stay...im telling u from experience.. u NEVER get over it, u NEVER forget..%26amp; u frequently bring it up in every moment u get. its always in the back of ur head even a year later. so keep that in mind.





oh by the way my relationship is over already... for other reasons, but i shoulda left when i was in ur position.
My wife and I both cheated. I done it first then she done it.





We love each other very much and there's no looking back..we just move forward, but I will say this. In some way it actually helped my marriage believe that or not.
Your first true love it take a short while , second true love close to a six month , and third true love a lot longer like a year.

Losing the love of your life to bureaucracy (Lesbian/Gay please read)?

I met my wife online almost 7 yrs ago. She was in the US, me in the UK. We spent almost a yr getting to know each other through chat, then we met in person, we hit it off physically, spent the next 2 yrs in a long distance transatlantic relationship, flying back and forth as often as possible.


Then 3.5 yrs ago she moved to UK to be with me, we got married (well, Civil Partnered) and all was ok for a while, but my wife has never gotten on well with England, in fact she hates it here. And now 3.5 years down the line she is at the end of her tether with this country and desperately wants to go home. She didn't realize before she came here just how much she loves her country, her culture, her home. Being away from all she knows has made her feel empty inside, and the romantic visions of living in britain have just not been realized (Britain sucks immensely in many many ways!)


She has told me that she loves me, but she has to go, for her sake and mine, she's so homesick and it's making her depressed and angry and she's been getting more and more bitter and resentful. She's miserable in the UK and misses the US/her family/friends too much to stay here, i've known for a while now how sad she's been living here, i've slowly watched the spark in her disappear and i know that going home is the only thing that's going to fix that.


The problem is- Although i would leave the U.K in a heartbeat and move back with her...I can't!!


U.S federal immigration laws do not recognize same-sex relationships for immigration purposes.


It's so unfair that an american man can bring his foreign wife home, but an american woman can't bring her foreign wife home!


So once my wife goes back, that's it, game over for us. We can't go on doing the long distance thing forever, and there's no sign on the horizon of the immigration laws changing, so the best thing we can do is try to let go of this love and our marriage and move on with our lives.





I'm so in love with my wife, my world is going to be crushed without her here, and will miss her desperately once she's gone, but i want her to be happy again, so i have to let her go, despite the fact it's gonna make me so miserable being here without her





Has anyone got any tips to help me cope with losing the love of my life?Losing the love of your life to bureaucracy (Lesbian/Gay please read)?
You know you can apply for a work visa, have you even talked with someone about the logistics of obtaining a visa? or do you just don't want to move to the US? Think really hard about this I'm sure if you try hard enough you can find a way!Losing the love of your life to bureaucracy (Lesbian/Gay please read)?
You could both immigrate to Canada, it's close to the US and the culture is similar and they do recognize same sex marriage...
Try and find a gay couple in the same boat and get married to them. Get the green cards wait a couple years and get divorced. US immigration laws really suck!
Seriously? You say you love her, but just because of stupid laws you wouldn't go with her? She moved to your country, why not do the same for her for love's sake? I say good day.
I have friends coping with the same situation - they were married in Canada, then one was transferred to the US for work. Unfortunately, the best his partner could do was a 5-year visa, and once it's up, they're not sure if they'll be able to get it renewed unless he finds a job in the US that will sponsor him for his visa, but they're trying.





I think you should move here on the best visa you can get, and keep at it until you can find something that works.
move there anyway, wats the worst that could happen? u get deported? then ur in the UK anyway but at least u tried. fight the man! fight for love!

Do you feel your only truly connected to ONE person in your love life..?

I feel like you can only be truly in love with one person and no matter how hard you try, you can't move on whilst they're still in your life.





My man left me in February and although we've had so many problems and we've fought and argued til we've pulled each others souls apart, but nothing seems to fill the emptiness I feel without his touch.





I feel like only he alone can make me feel secure and loved; I cudn't imagine someone else touching me or kissing my lips..Will this feeling pass or am I always going to love someone who isn't in love with me back.





He's not misleading, he's told me he's not in love with me anymore, yet he's not seeing other people, I'm the only person he sleeps with and kisses but he can't commit to me.





I feel alone most nights and I feel like I want to kind of move on but without full closure, my heart won't let me.





Please help me, I'm dying inside.


xDo you feel your only truly connected to ONE person in your love life..?
Im sorry that you had to feel the cold heart in a rainy day. I don't believe that you are truly connected to one person in your love life. This just tells you. that this man, this guy, wasn't the right man for you. A greek philiospher said that we start life as a half cicle. our jobs as these halves is to find our matching part so you could be united with the perfect soulmate or person. This man just wasn't it, he couldn't mold into your life. Just take a deep breath hold on to what you think is love and let him go. you know that expression, ';there is always still fishsy out at sea.'; so go find him. stay happy... that guy...just totally missed the opurtunity to be with a great girl. Dont feel bad....just go out there and find your missing half!


:]]]Do you feel your only truly connected to ONE person in your love life..?
I think, like you, that we can only be in true love with one person at a time. Other people feel different though. I understand your need for closure. Im the same way. Without all info and answers its very difficult to move on. I think you should try to move on and the pain will definitely pass with time. Good luck
you only have one love as everyone but as you get older you learn by your mastakes and the next is even better than the first and its true.and special if not keep trying,theres the right one out 4 you promice
oh u poor girl, i cant help but time will if u let it.


sending healing vibes ur way %26amp; prayers that the pain u feel passes by soon
You are being used.


Drop him.
re: Do you feel your only truly connected to ONE person in your love life..?


%26gt;%26gt;%26gt; By 'connected' do you mean that you both KNOW HOW to make a good relationship and are doing it - or do you mean CODEPENDENT?





I feel like you can only be truly in love with one person and no matter how hard you try, you can't move on whilst they're still in your life.


%26gt;%26gt; You are not writing about 'love' here........you are speaking of CODEPENDENCY - an emotional illness (look it up).





My man left me in February and although we've had so many problems and we've fought and argued til we've pulled each others souls apart, but nothing seems to fill the emptiness I feel without his touch.


%26gt;%26gt;%26gt; Yep, you are a victim of CODEPENDENCY - an unhealthy condition but cureable!





I feel like only he alone can make me feel secure and loved; I cudn't imagine someone else touching me or kissing my lips..Will this feeling pass or am I always going to love someone who isn't in love with me back.


%26gt;%26gt;%26gt; WOW! love someone who doesn't love you back - now, that's perfect description of the Codependent affliction!





He's not misleading, he's told me he's not in love with me anymore, yet he's not seeing other people, I'm the only person he sleeps with and kisses but he can't commit to me.


%26gt;%26gt; Codependents can neither commit nor do what's right even if they do commit!





I feel alone most nights and I feel like I want to kind of move on but without full closure, my heart won't let me.


%26gt;%26gt; Codependents can not move on or be at peace no matter what!





Please help me, I'm dying inside.


%26gt;%26gt; Get to work fixing your Codependent, bad self esteem, shame based condition!





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The only way you even have a chance of moving on, is by getting him completely out of your life. You'll never even start to get over him as long as you've got that glimmer of hope you are getting by having him there, even though you know he doesn't love you. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but your heart will mend, and you can and will fall in love with someone else....and you'll wonder why you ever thought you couldn't have it again.
oh honey i feel for you! I think you have become very attached to this one guy but ask yourself why you had fights?





Would you say that the arguments resolved around his behaviour or yours? Can you think of any faults of your actions that he brought up that you now think was at the time out of order?





And most importantly do you trust him? It sounds like you split up over things that you are now thinking you could have changed but you cant keep lookin back.





What I suggest you do is use the problems you had as a template on how not to behave in the next relationship (because you sound passionate and people like yourself will probably find love again)





Did you date him for a long time (the longer the greater the attachment). Just be yourself , get out with girl frineds and enjoy life, once he realises you dont need him he will probably regret splitting with you.

When you forgive a person, is it okay not to have any dealing with that person after that?

I know the bible states: Then came Peter to him, and said Lord how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? I say not unto thee, until seven times, but until seventy times seven. I agree with that, but what if there is someone in your life that continuously does wrong things to you? When you forgive them is it okay to move on with your life? What if this person is a family member?When you forgive a person, is it okay not to have any dealing with that person after that?
The beauty of forgiveness is that the past remains in the past. God is so perfect that when we confess our sins to Him He not only forgives us but forgets our transgressions. He holds nothing against us.





For us humans it's not so easy. But we are to forgive others as the Lord has forgiven us. That means totally.





Peter thought he was being rather magnanimous by suggesting forgiveness seven times. But Jesus said whoa Peter! Why limit yourself? Make it 490 times. By that Jesus meant only to show the difference, not set a higher limit.





Yes, we are to move n with our lives, but that doesn't mean separation from those we forgive. If we must do that then have we really forgiven in our hearts? True love, the kind Jesus taught becomes evident when relationships are restored through forgiveness, not completely severed.When you forgive a person, is it okay not to have any dealing with that person after that?
continue to forgive. If you are in a different home, don't have to go out of your way to see them--(see them as God directs you to)





But always forgive, and with that--forget the wrong they did, the hardest part of the equation.





I have a family member, a son, who needs forgiveness often. I don't see him much but when I do, I forget all else and just love him.
Forgiving isn't about keeping them in your life. Forgiving is about releasing any anger or hurt you felt by the wrong-doing. By forgiving, you are saying that you no longer have hard feelings towards them. Which is actually more beneficial to you than it is to them. Negative emotions can wreak havoc on the human body and mind. If you don't want this person to be a part of your life, then it is completely okay to get rid of them.
Well, if they do something really bad and you can forgive them, then it's okay to draw back a little. As long as you can forgive them and not think bad of them because of what they did, that's fine. If it's a family member, you are going to see them a lot, so this might not be as possible. Just let them know that they hurt you in some way, and that you completely forgive them.
Forgiveness should not require you be around someone who causes you wrong, or someone who has hurt you. Sit them down for a talk and tell them that you forgive them of any past wrongs, apologize for any wrongs you've committed, and let them know that you no longer feel comfortable having them in your life because they have not changed their ways. At least, that's what I would do.
Good question.





To forgive is to stop blaming or absolve from payment so I'd say that if you try and avoid that person then you are still holding some ill feelings towards them. It's a tough one but in that light I'd have to say that it's not ok. You need to forgive and forget, and if happens again, too bad.





None are perfect and we need to consider how often we need forgiveness from others. Patience and tolerance friend.
first of all, it is very good to forgive a person because forgiving opens ways to the betterment of relations you should keep in touch till a certain time but if you feel that the person can cause some harm to you its okay to limit the conversations...


but try to forgive from the bottom of your heart and don't think bad about that person once you have forgiven!
I think that if you forgive, you should still be friendly towards the person but still be careful of getting in too deep because the Bible also wrns us to be as wise as serpents....so keep your eyes open and dont put yourself in a position for that person to wrong you again
Well, forgive them 490 times, then kill them.





Seriously though, spiritually speaking and all that, you're not a saint. Jesus, like any basically good person, expects you to try to be a good person, and forgive as much as you can. If you've exhausted your reserves of goodness, avoidance sounds like a good second choice.
Forgiving someone means letting go of what happened. It's a way of painting over the ugly parts and starting new.





Though it's okay to not FORGET what happened, not dealing with the person after ';forgiving'; him or her is pretty half-assed, don't you think?
Just because they are kin, does not mean that all is well once you have moved on. Sometimes that person has hurt us so much that it is just better to distance ourselves from them to protect or guard ourselves.
You can do what you want in regard to who you want to be around. I have cut family members out of my life and don't regret it.
i may forgive but stop dealing with this person. and that's me. no religion or bible is attach with my feelings for that matter.
Yes. You have no obligation to maintain a relationship with them.
What do you mean is it ';okay';? Okay by who? Only *you* can decide that.
no one suffers fools - forgiven or not
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  • Why is crying considered a weakness?

    I don't see the problem here? It's just an emotion that you're expressing, and crying can be a way for you to cope, get in touch with how you feel at the moment, and some people feel better after they let the tears out. Once you're done crying, you calm down and move on with your life or problems!





    I remember I would get punished and scolded for crying by my family, but I think you can still be a strong person and cry.Why is crying considered a weakness?
    I guess we live in a world where we always have to project an image of confidence and being in control that we forget to stay in tune with our true feelings. And people who express their emotions are branded as weak. Even little boys are taught not to cry because 'only girls cry'.





    Crying is just a natural bodily reaction to an intense emotion. Suppressing it means that you're in denial of your feelings. I always feel better after crying - after being aware of my emotions, I look for solutions and move on.Why is crying considered a weakness?
    Crying is only to be done in private. I always cry though... it sucks and is embarrassing.
    Crying when expressing genuine hurt (physical or emotional) or grieving is natural...for both men and women. There are many, however, who have no control over their emotions and will cry very easily. I think it shows a lack of self control and a potential weakness when it is something done in public.





    It is also important to recognize that not all people feel better after they've had a good 'cry'. Myself, for example....crying makes me feel worse...and it drags out the negative emotion. When I am overwhelmed with an emotion I cannot stop it, but when given a choice, I would rather push through the feelings without crying.
    A lot of people see it as letting your defenses down and not keeping 'a stiff upper lip'. People believe that if you let your defenses down then you will be vulnerable to getting hurt but I disagree.





    Crying is good, simpyl just for helpign wash your eyes, as well as letting you express yourself. If you're around people you trust there is no chance of you getting hurt so I dont see the problem.
    Any show of emotion is a weakness. Crying is the ultimate physical show of emotion.





    I never yell at my kids for crying but I certainly yell at them for whining. I also believe that you can be strong and cry. I think it's all about tone of voice and body language.
    crying doesn't make you weak it's just sometime pressure bust a pipe.
    O.o what's wrong with your family?


    I see nothing wrong with crying. It's human nature to cry.
    You kind of came to your own conclusion there, which is great, and I agree! Crying is one of the best therapies. Sometimes you just need to cry. Holding emotions in, like men are ';supposed'; to do, can cause some serious emotional, psychological, and even physical problems later in life. Glad to see that you figured it out on your own.
    I think that when you were younger you got scolded for crying because you were crying over something irrelevant, my parents used to always tell me crying won't make it go away. And well it's the truth. In some situations crying is a sign of weakness, others it is a sign of strength, it all depends on what is really going on. But I say you should be able to hold yourself together out in public, because ultimately crying is a sign that you have lost self control and you are letting all your emotions out, and from that stand point, it is weakness.

    Alan Colmes, how has he changed your life?

    Share your stories on how alan colmes changed your life.





    Heres mine:


    Growing up on the fields of Montana I had a bruteful life. Mother moved away to Las Vegas to pursue a acting career and left me with my alcoholic father and down syndrome sister. I flunked out of grade 9 and never went back. Needless to say my father gave me a bottle of wisky and kicked me out of the house, essentially disowning me. I decided to hitch hike a ride to north dakota and meet up with a aunt. Thats when everything changed....... As I hitched a ride with a trucker and climbed into the passenger seat something profound happened. I heard a voice, a voice like no other.





    ';who is that?'; I yelled to the trucker.


    ';well thats Alan Colmes! hes doing his radioshow'; he replied





    I started to cry, my life had been so empty until that moment. I could feel the greatness of Colmes and from that day on I have become a man of virtue. I have since reconnected with my mother and we are building a museum dedicated to Colmes in Las Vegas.





    Please share your testimonials..Alan Colmes, how has he changed your life?
    I haven't had anything near that kind of epiphany.





    Will there be a section about Colmes time as Obama's running mate (it won't be for a few years, though)?Alan Colmes, how has he changed your life?
    I think you';r still on the whisky.